Mission Accomplished: Cleaning my room

I know most of you are probably shaking your head at how gruelling a task this has been for me, but I feel a great sense of accomplishment now that I can actually see my floor and not have to pay attention to where I place my feet.

My mind, I've found, is like that kid who doesn't want to go to bed. Oh, but I have to get a glass of milk first. Now I have to brush my teeth. I should probably floss, too. Oh, and I have to finish that drawing for my friend or I'll get in big trouble at school tomorrow. And on it goes, until eventually you, the parent, stamp your foot and say 'No, everything else can wait. You are going to bed right now without delay'. And the child kicks up a fuss and bangs on their bedroom door to get out, but after a while they realise they really were tired and they fall asleep.

I must admit, I did cave to that childlike voice telling me what else I could/should be doing. I checked Facebook, I looked up a few things, I had snacks (otherwise I wouldn't have any energy to do this momentous task). I had a nap. Then eventually, I had to repeat a phase someone told me once. I know some of you think I'm this innocent little girl with a G-rated vocabulary, but swearing does have it's place. My mantra while cleaning my room was Just Fucking Do It. I picked this up from a comic artist, Dylan Horrocks. He had struggled with the P word as well. Even though writing and drawing comics was his passion, he would always find excuses not to start. Then he and some friends modified the Nike slogan and made it their mantra. When Dylan was trawling through his email, he would find an email from his friend with only the subject heading: JFDI. That was enough to snap him out of it. He'd get off the computer, sit down to draw his comic books, and enjoy the process once he got into it.

I wouldn't say I enjoyed cleaning my room, but it did get a little easier once I got into the swing of it. I found I was too focussed on the entire job. I'd moan, looking at all the mess. The only way to get out of that mindset was to firmly tell myself, "What three things can I put away?" As I put each one away, I'd say, "I am now one step closer to a tidy room." I still got distracted and stuff, but I worked on my room throughout the afternoon, and now I have my reward.

This is the mistake I often make when doing assingments. I'll be so daunted by the whole task that I'll delay starting it, until it's all a last minute rush. When I divide it into small, manageable tasks, then all I have to think about is one task at a time. It's funny, I remember having a nervous breakdown in Year 12 (I know, hilarious, right?) and I was sitting on the plastic-covered bed at student reception, blowing my nose on paper towels. I think there was supposed to be a guidance counselor coming, but she was running late or was away or something, so the receptionist was there with me when there wasn't anyone waiting to be served at the desk. She told me something I've never forgotten: "You can't eat an elephant in one bite".

The ridiculous mental imagery made me laugh (shakily) and I realised the truth of what she was saying.

I was reminded again of this important lesson this semester at a Time Management workshop. I'd been wanting help in that area for a while, but was too embarrassed to get an individual session at the library seeing as I was a second year student with a high GPA and a job helping other students with similar matters at the library. So I was thrilled when a group workshop was offered through LDI. The lady who ran it reinforced the rule for me. It's been hard for me to write things down. Usually I just do things and rely on my memory. But writing down your end goal and all the steps you need to achieve it is a crucial step into feeling more organised and monitoring your progress. Plus, then you get to tick off the steps as you go, and that's always satisfying. A list-crazy person once said that the first thing she writes on her to do list is to write a to do list, so that she can tick something off straight away.

The useful thing is remembering that delaying the task won't make it any easier (in fact, quite the opposite).

This is my creed for 2014

(Example of not following the JFDI rule. I delayed posting this, thinking time would make it better, but really, it's always better when it's fresh, even if it's not perfect).

Update on what I'm doing before my trip

I've been holding out on you a bit. I should probably tell you what's been happening since I last wrote to you:

• I went to Sydney with my sister to see the Lion King stage show. It was awesome
• Had Christmas. Also good, but I needed the next day to recover
• I cleaned 80% of my room, then did the other 20% when I got back from Sydney, and now it's kind of messy again from all my packing. Piles of clothes are all over the living room
• I caught up with friends (Chocolate and friends is always a good mix)

Right now I should be either packing or sleeping but I wanted to write.

After my going away party I was in a great mood. The next day all I had left to do, mixed with a lack of sleep, left me feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

It's hard to stop myself from fretting over things. Mostly things will work out. I told myself that but it didn't help. I think I just need to accept that things are stressful sometimes, and try to focus on the present.

Most of the time what is happening right this second isn't stressful, it's the past or future that we stress over. Sometimes that stress is good--for example, to finally kick my butt into gear and load my travel card. But other times there are things outside our control. I tried to disassociate from my thoughts by thinking, 'In a year, will this matter?' That didn't help. Only time helped.

I'm also working on not taking my frustrations out on other people. That's hard. When I'm in that sort of mood I really need to go somewhere isolated until it passes, then do yoga or read or do something while I'm waiting for the negative thoughts to pass. Right now that's impossible with so much to do, but the worst is over. A good night's sleep will probably fix me up.

I decided not to get a credit card in the end. Just so that I'm not in too much debt. But the OS Help loan-- a $6G loan that gets added to HECS interest free--hasn't been approved by the government yet (freaked me out coz I thought that loan was a done thing). If that doesn't go ahead I'll have to live extremely tightly and probably won't be able to do any travelling around, and I'd probably come back with nothing. So here's hoping.

Happy Christmas!

I should tell you, my sister and I are leaving early tomorrow for Sydney to see the Lion King stage show, and the various other things Sydney has to offer. We're back for Christmas, but by then we will all (you included) be too busy stuffing our faces and singing outrageously loud Christmas carols on the back deck to worry about visiting a little old blog.

There's a chance I'll post another blog before tomorrow, but in case I don't, have a good break. I'll probably talk to you on Boxing Day and tell you all the things I've quite possibly forgotten to do!

Merry Christmas. I hope you will be surrounded by loved ones. Don't fight over the dessert--it's not worth it!

Gabbie just made pavlova in a cup. It was divine. I should add that recipe. Sayonara

It will be snowing in Bath, but maybe not quite this much

Recipe: Banana Cupcakes

These cupcakes were snatched up so quickly that I could only photograph one!

This is from David Herbert's "the perfect cookbook", which lives up to its title. I've only modified the recipe slightly. I add a third banana for extra moisture and bananeryness (yes, that's a word), and I replace buttermilk with the suggested substitute because that's what I had in the fridge and also it's just as good and not too sweet. Oh, and I sprinkle the top with mixed spice and the original recipe was banana bread but cupcakes are better for sharing!

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cups self-raising flour
• 125g of low salt butter (the spreadable kind. Nice and soft)
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 3 large very ripe bananas
• 1/4 cup plain yoghurt mixed with 1/4 cup milk
• Mixed spice for the topping

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 170 degrees. Put patty cakes on a baking tray (I used pink because it's a nice contrast and reminds me of a flower :)
2. Sift self raising flour into a bowl (or just bung it in if you can't be bothered)
3. In a separate bowl, use an electric mixer to beat the butter and sugar together for 3-4 minutes, or until pale and fluffy. Gradually add the beaten eggs, mixing well after each addition.
4. Mash the bananas with a fork and add to the butter mixture. Stir well to combine. Add the flour alternately with the milk mixture, beating well after each addition.
5. Spoon the mixture into your patty cakes. Only fill half way because it rises (you'd think I'd have learnt this by now)
6. Bake for about 20 minutes but watch it closely. It's done when it's turned golden brown and if you put in a fork and it comes out clean. Leave to cool. This keeps for a few days. They say the flavours develop better after a few days, but it never lasts long enough to find out!

Spicy Tamarind Sauce

This is pretty much BBQ sauce with extra kick (and none of the additives of store bought BBQ sauce). It’s simultaneously hot, sweet, sour, and spicy.

The recipe is from Vegetarian World Food cookbook (you can get it from Govindas. It's definitely worth getting, even if you're not vegetarian).

 

Makes about 3 cups of sauce

 

Ingredients:

Buy ginger in a jar. It's way easier and just as nice.

• 95g Tamarind
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 2 teaspoons shredded ginger from a jar (way easier than shredding it yourself. Cheap, too)
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• big pinch chilli powder
• 500g tomato paste
• Maybe cornflour

The original recipe doesn't thicken, so I add about something like 500g of tomato paste. This turns it into a sort of BBQ sauce. It's great. You can also add crushed tomatoes for a bit of bulk. I'm still working on getting the thickness right. Sometimes you need to add cornflour. The last batch I cheated and added a bit of store bought BBQ sauce, but hopefully the recipe doesn't need it. Next time I might experiment with adding caramelised onions or things to make it more BBQ-y.

You can buy tamarind from your fruit and veggie store. I get the Indian variety, personally.

 Instructions:

The original recipe says to soak the tamarind in 2 cups of boiling water for half an hour. Do this, but I would also let it cook on low heat to really bring out the flavours. The longer it sits, the better, really. Get your money's worth for the tamarind.

Collect the juice through a sieve—you only need the juice; discard the dry residue.

 Then just combine the juice and all other ingredients in a medium sized saucepan and cook moderately high for about 15 minutes. It should start to thicken with the tomato paste. If it’s not thick enough, put a teaspoon of cornflour in ¼ cup of water, stir until combined, then add to the sauce. You might have to play around a bit. The mixture will reduce as it cooks.

Leave to cool and put away. Before serving, garnish the sauce with a sprinkle of sesame seeds, if desired (the contrast in colours looks cool).

 

Recipe: Chocolate and Coconut Biscuits

The dark chocolate makes these rich as mud cake

These biscuits were the result of melting chocolate gone wrong. I couldn't be bothered putting the chocolate in a glass bowl surrounded by water and instead heated it straight onto the pan. It wasn't liquidy enough so I added a bit of milk. That didn't help, so I added butter and whisked it. The chocolate mix was still too thick, so I put it into the following recipe and was very happy with the result.

Chocolate and Coconut Biscuits

1. Heat about 200g of dark chocolate in a saucepan on low heat. As it melts, add a splash of milk and butter. Whisk once melted
2. Preheat oven to 160 degrees
3. Whisk about 100g of low or no salt butter with 1/2 cup of brown sugar until fluffy
4. Add 1 egg gradually while continuing to whisk
5. Add in 1 cup of plain (wholemeal) flour and 1/4 cup of self raising flour
6. Add in your chocolate mix
7. When mixed, pour in 1 cup of desiccated coconut and mix with a spoon
8. Add a splash of maple syrup if required
9.  Spoon a tablespoon of mixture onto a baking paper covered tray (the bikkies don't spread much)
10. Sprinkle coconut over each biscuit for decoration
11. Cook in oven for about ten minutes. Take it out when it's still a little bit gooey, as this keeps it moist (the bikkies will harden as they cool)
12. Leave to cool, then serve. Best eaten warm and dunked in milk!

Yoga Experiment Day 5

I think this is actually day 6. Pretty sure there's another day lost in there somewhere, because I remember one night I was going to skip the session (it was late, I was tired), but then I heard Gary's calm voice in my head and I saw Eliver's slightly self-conscious but still content smile, and I knew I had to spend my hour with them.

Ok, so it was about midnight (bad habit), so I piked out half way through, but I still enjoyed our brief time together.

This morning, I was fortunate enough to wake up at 5:30am. It was tempting to just get ready and do other things, but I told myself that I had time for this, that I had to make time, and it'd be worth it in the end. I was right. My biggest problem was getting myself to concentrate and to allow myself to stay in the present and focus on my breath and the movements. I got better, but my mind is still like a child let loose in the playground.

I was tempted to quit halfway through again, but I didn't want to send my body the message that my mind can wander and I can become distracted during yoga. Once you're in, you're in. Yoga is an hour and that's the time I'm going to take.

The other thing I like about the DVD is the pause button. Sometimes I want to hold the stretch longer. General rules say about 30 seconds per stretch, Gary hold it for about 15, but really, just see how long your body wants you to hold it for--wait for the muscles to release a bit. Hold it for as long as it feels nice, basically. My shoulders are super tight. Some of the stretches help. Even still, I've booked in for a massage on Chrissy Eve. Can't be going on 8 hour flights with tight muscles.

When I started the session today I was quite stiff. By the time I finished I felt much looser.

BTW, eating chocolate cookie batter late last night was definitely a bad idea. I felt it this morning as though I'd only just eaten those few generous spoonfuls. Green tea helped make me feel like less of a pig.

Final note, even after less than a week, I've discovered that I can do a few of the stretches further than I could on the first day. I'm still rubbish at the floor exercise, but my hands can twist round a bit more on the Cleansing Heart and Lungs move.

Oh, and sugar makes me break out, so I'll have to have less of that. More veggies, I reckon.

Yoga Experiment Day 4

Note: This is turning into a general How To Get a Good Night's Sleep guide

I had a nightmare last night. I think it's partly stress, partly exhaustion. Even after a 40 minute nap at 2pm today, by late afternoon I was crying with exhaustion (though that might also have something to do with the fact that I was on my feet cooking for about 4 hours and was dreading work). Although I still firmly believe in power naps, I really think I need to get to bed earlier...I say as I sit here typing at midnight. It takes a while for me to slow down. I need to stop doing things late. Just accept the fact that something's not done (surely it can wait till tomorrow) and try to relax. Looking at computer screens or TV screens late at night wakes up thingies in your eyes which goes to your brain and keeps you awake (I'm not making this up). So technically, I should not be here right now. I would be doing yoga but my feet are killing me.

Also try not to do anything too brainy, like read a textbook or solve a maths equation (like I'd do that anyway, but you get the point). I think someone said you should give yourself three hours to wind down. I know, who has that sort of time? I'd probably settle for an hour.

Tomorrow I will try to be in bed by 11pm, which means yoga at 10pm or earlier if I can manage it. I might try it during the day. It's only hard to do it then because everyone's around and it's hard to concentrate (maybe if you have a separate, quiet room you'd have more luck).

Also, don't eat lots late at night. That's part of the three hour rule, but I never stick to that. If you must eat (and usually I must), things that are good are leafy greens, lentils, toast, muesli. Carbs are actually good at night.

I did find these facts from somewhere but I can't remember and I can't be bothered to find them. If you want, experiment with a few of these things and feel the effects yourself. That's the best way to know.

Yoga Experiment Day 3

Even though I only did 45 minutes, the yoga session helped me to sleep; I slept heavily. I'm probably going to bed too late, though. I really needed a nap at 2pm and slept for 40 minutes. Maybe this isn't such a bad pattern--sleeping 11pm or midnight till about 7 or 8am. Nap at 2pm. There are studies that show that this sort of thing works.

http://www.besthealthmag.ca/embrace-life/sleep/19-reasons-to-take-a-nap
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2011/02/07/unleash-the-power-of-the-nap/

Apparently adults need 7.5-9 hours sleep. I'm on the higher end of the scale but can deal with less if I get a nap. Exercise in the morning helps to wake me up.

Recipe: Roast Vegetable Wrap

Roast Vegetable Wrap

I just tried this today. It's simple, healthy, and quick. You can add whatever herbs you like. My choice worked well, and allowed me to use some of the fresh rosemary from our garden.

Cooking time: 25 minutes
Preparation: 5 minutes

Ingredients:

• Flat bread
• Sour cream  (don't get "lite" cream. It's gross)
• 1 can lentils
• 1/2 a cauliflower
• Green beans

Flavouring:

• Basil
• Rosemary
• Vegetable powder (like vegetable stock)
• Curry powder

Instructions:

1. Preheat fan forced oven to about 180 degrees for ten minutes (oven temperatures vary)
2. Meanwhile, cut your cauliflower into medium-sized chunks. Chop off the ends of the beans and halve.
3. Put cauliflower in a casserole dish. Drizzle with olive oil. Add dried basil, rosemary, three bay leaves and vegetable powder.  Now half-cover the cauliflower with boiling water. 
4. Put in the oven for about 10-15 minutes, or until al dente.
5. Add in the green beans and lentils. Cook for another ten minutes, then drain and leave to cool.
6. Spread some sour cream onto your flat bread. Add a sprinkle of curry powder.
7. Spoon some of your vegies onto the wrap, roll up, and eat. Add salt if needed.

Why I'm not ready to leave

I keep asking people if they'll Skype me while I'm away. Today Laya said, "We'll be on completely different schedules." She doesn't have Skype and she doesn't plan to get it. "Just be where you are. Be in that moment. We'll all still be here when you get back."

I think that's part of the reason I'm not fully excited to go yet; I'm so busy enjoying where I am right now that I don't have room for some unknown quantity in the future. I feel like I have to put on my 'excited voice' whenever anyone asks if I'm looking forward to my trip. Why would I want to talk about the cold weather while there is a fabulous blue sky overhead, the sun's warmth on my arms, and a cool breeze making sure I don't get too hot? Why would I talk about making new friends when I'm surrounded by my karate class and am sneakily texting a uni friend about when we're catching up next?

One of the unofficial reasons why I wanted to go abroad, as recorded in my diary from a year ago, was that, if my life was a book, I felt like I hadn't even reached the first chapter yet. That 'my book' would start perhaps just before I left. What a stupid thing to say. My life is full now. I can't believe I didn't realise that before.

On the other hand, there are a few things that are closing up. My jobs have all finished up (for various reasons, as mentioned in the posts, When you start to be like your job and Just a few things that'll get you fired). It'll be good to focus on other things in a new place for a while, and to come back fresh.

While I'm over there, I'll have the time of my life, I'm sure. But right now I'm enjoying Brisbane. I will try to give whichever place I'm in my full attention. I'll try not to bug my Brissie friends too much while I'm in England, and will for the most part content myself with keeping in touch via this blog and Facebook.


For another carpe diem post: Slow down and enjoy the mango

Just a few things that'll get you fired

That feeling when your boss invites you to their office.

I found out recently that my boss probably wouldn’t rehire me next year. “Probably wouldn’t” was her nice way of saying “definitely not”. I hid under the cover of her cushion words. She explained to me that there were certain things I’ve done this year that have been “concerning”.

                “To me, it’s a given that you don’t eat at the desk.”

Oh. That. Maybe I’ve snuck a biscuit or two. Okay, there was one time that I snuck a sandwich. One customer did say to me once that she was sorry to interrupt my lunch, which is not the first thing you want a client to be thinking of, I’ll admit.

    As my boss continued, I was torn between cringing, laughing at my own idiocy, and sobbing.

                “Apparently customers have been told misleading information, or something that is completely wrong. I had a report last week that a customer was told that they needed a licence for their account. I don’t know if it was you, but you were the only one on the desk.” She shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but also as if she had no doubt that it was me.

I didn’t even know we had licences here, but I nodded like a good little worker.

“No one else has breaks,” she continued more bluntly. “I heard you have fifteen minute breaks.”

Okay, now I had to speak. “I think I might have had a fifteen minute break once, but then someone told me that it was five to ten minutes.”

She nodded half-committedly. “Five minutes. Just to go to the toilet and get away from the desk. Not more than that.”

I sighed silently through my nose. I wish they’d be consistent. Maybe the supervisor who I’d talked to had been cushioning me, and that was working against me now. I thought it was normal to have a five/ten minute break.

My boss also mentioned that I’d asked the supervisors questions that had been covered in training. “First semester I thought, ‘She’s new, she’ll learn.’ But second semester, you still asked some things we felt you should have known.” I know what process she’s referring to. I thought the supervisor had been happy that I was asking questions to help me improve. I guess that improvement came a little late.

“The others just seemed to pick it up a bit quicker,” she said, referring to my peers at the desk. “Given another semester, maybe you’d be fine,” she added for my benefit, offering a hypothetical possibility that will never happen. “Yeah, there were just a few things that were a bit... concerning.”

 I guess I’d passed the point of no return. I nodded my way through the silence. The muscles around my eyes and forehead felt oddly strained.

“But you’ll have a great time in Bath,” my boss said with a smile, obviously more than happy to change the subject. “It’s a beautiful city. One of my favourites.”

I could tell she felt so much better knowing that I had other plans anyway. I’d told her when we first sat down. I wasn’t sure if she knew already. She seemed to expect to talk about my plans next year when I’d emailed her to arrange this meeting. It turned out she had other reasons for wanting to discuss that topic.

“Well, I’m sorry for doing so...badly,” I said lamely.

She dismissed my words with a sound in her throat. “It’s not that you were bad. It’s just... a few things.”

A few things that made all the difference.

I think I did take this job for granted, a little bit. We got paid heaps. I should have at least revised the training. And I think a part of me knew that reading on the desk and eating snacks would not reflect well on this organisation.

I’d been so used to my waitressing job, where I could get away with whatever—turning up late (even if I make up for it later), doing homework behind the counter (even if I only ever do that when there’s absolutely nothing else to do and I’m going mad with boredom). But I can’t expect for one organisation’s expectations to be the same as another’s—especially when one pays double the other’s wage.

As the meeting rounded up, my boss talked a little about the climate in Bath, and then I shook her hand and thanked her for the opportunity to have this job for a year. I meant it with full sincerity. Even though it might not have been up to standard, I felt like I learnt a lot at the job, and I’d discovered a sense of accomplishment and pride when I could help a student through their difficulties. I found that sometimes people don’t necessarily need lots of help; sometimes they only want reassurance that there’s someone else who has been through the same troubles. They seemed to appreciate my empathy and compassion just as much as my technical assistance.

I walked out of the office with the feeling of disappointment already ebbing into calm; I felt sure that something else would come along.

The other day at the Chinese restaurant where I work, a lady who was waiting for her take away told me about how she was been treated poorly at her work, and that she would probably be laid off soon.

“That’s awful,” I said.

She shrugged. “I believe something else will come along. There’s a reason for everything.” Although she was holding a fortune cookie in her hand, I felt like these were words that came from deep inside her.

I think my sister is running on a similar mentality. She flat out refused to get a waitressing job when she returned from her extended holiday a few months ago. It took a few months, but she has now has a contract with an old work contact. They are even willing to work around her uni schedule.

I know I stuffed up at my new job, but if I learn from it then I’ll be even better at my next job. Bath will give me a whole range of new skills and allow me to expand my writing folio. I can keep submitting work to competitions and build a name for myself. It’ll take a while, but every little thing counts.

Recipe: Sophie's Chocolate Crackles

Super easy and quick. No bake. 

Note: Only prepare about half hour ahead, because the popcorn gets soft after a few hours.

1. Put 1 1/2 blocks of dark chocolate into a saucepan and heat low.
2. You may want to add some milk. This helped to dilute the rich flavour and also helped with consistency.
3. Meanwhile, airpop popcorn, or microwave unsalted popcorn or buy it pre-packaged (unsalted). Supermarkets also sell puffed corn, but I find this a bit chewy. Anyway this is my substitute for rice bubbles, to be a bit more healthy.
4. When the chocolate and milk are all mixed and smooth, add in your popcorn. It may take some adjusting to get the proportions right. I had to airpop more popcorn (in a machine you can buy). This still wasn't enough, so I added unsalted almonds and cashews that I'd lightly roasted earlier (Ten minutes in an oven at 160 degrees fan forced. Watch it carefully; it burns easily). Raw nuts also works. I chucked in some cranberries, which turned out to add a delightful touch of sweetness. The nuts add a bit of crunch, which I liked.
5. Spoon into small patty cakes.
6. Refrigerate. The best thing about this recipe is that it takes only about ten minutes to cook and it will set in the fridge in about 20 minutes. Easy!

In the end you'll have a pan with scrapes of chocolate. I highly recommend adding some milk, heating, and turning it into hot chocolate! I added a touch of chilli for some kick.

Yoga Experiment Day 2

I did it again last night. If I hadn't promised to, I would have been very tempted to flake out. By the time I'd gotten sorted, I was only ready to start at about midnight. See, first I had to finish my room, then I had to talk to Mum, and then I had to pat my dog, who growled at me, probably to tell me to get started already. The practice would have been easier if I didn't have to stop to blow my nose every five seconds (a reaction from the dust in my room). And I couldn't do all the bending over things because my head was foggy and I didn't want the tear-like drips from my nose to become a safety hazzard on the mat.

I find it curious how twisting your hands around a certain way can cleanse the heart and lungs, or how bending over can cleanse the digestive system. Weird things like that.

By the time I was lying down at the end, I was almost asleep. I went to bed and dropped off almost straight away, slept deeply for about twenty minutes, woke up for about twenty minutes to blow my nose a few times, then slept deeply all through the night.

When I woke up my nose was more or less behaving itself. Maybe that was the result of yoga or a decent sleep or just my allergies wearing off. Dunno. I think I'll only know the effects of yoga for sure after documenting the effects over a decent amount of time.

I do like doing yoga at night. Otherwise I pretty much go straight from the computer to bed, and that makes my mind too active. Yoga slows me down.

How much is enough revision?

In one of my first posts, Still figuring things out, I mentioned the three day rule Ben Law recommends, which is that you finish your work, then put it in a draw (figuratively or literally, depending on your preferences) for three days and then look it over with fresh eyes. That way, you are able to pick up awkward syntax, grammar/spelling, and holes in your work.

My eyes are so fresh

While Ben's advice is excellent for assignments and such, I'm not sure I'll bother for the blog. Not that it's not worthy of revision, but I have so many things I want to write about and I only feel like I've accomplished something once I've posted it. Basically, I'm too impatient.

But also, I don't want to overthink it. In Tina Fey's words, "You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute" (p123, Bossypants).
(Tina seems to be solving a lot of my problems right now.)

She also said, "It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring" (p123). I couldn't agree more. I should probably let most articles sit overnight, but after that, I'm just going to post and move on. I'm the type of person who thinks things through a lot anyway, so by the time I've sat down to write it, the logic of the thoughts is already there.

Au revoir!

Yoga Experiment Day 1

To be true to my word, I did yoga last night

In case you're wondering, I will be giving you daily updates on how my one hour practice affects me.

I slept like a baby last night. You might think that's not surprising, seeing as I got to bed at about 1am, but I've been known to stay up until 3am coz my mind won't shut up (do you ever get that? Where your mind won't switch off?)

Anyway, I found it good to practice yoga at night, after everyone else is in bed. No people clomping around while you try to hold some awkward pose with your butt in the air, trying to hear exactly how you straighten your back while keeping the shoulders relaxed and the calves tight and the chin tucked and what was that last part?

Okay, so it's not that hard, but it is much better when there's no distractions. It's very easy for me to be distracted in our little, cluttered house.

I've discovered that from my shoulders pretty much all the way down my back, the muscles are really tight. That might seem backwards, discovering tightness while excercising, but I'm hoping yoga will improve it. The twisty back exercises helped.

Hooroo!

How to gain focus: An experiment

I have mentioned yoga in a few posts. I used to do it far more often. After I did, I really noticed a difference. I was able to focus more and I felt this underlying sense of calm, as if none of my worries mattered, and life was great.

We have all we need

Why is it that we know something's great for us, but we can't be bothered to do it? I suppose for the same reason people don't always eat healthily or do exercise.

But I've had a few friends who have been feeling down lately, and if my experiment works, I can recommend this practice to them without feeling like a hypocrite, so I'll give it a go.

Note: I just use a DVD. It allows me to do yoga whenever I want, and I don't feel self-conscious when I can't do some of the exercises. Also it's free (other than the dollar or two I paid for the DVD at Lifeline).

My experiment is to practise the one hour yoga session at least once every day until the end of the month, and see if I can feel any improvements. I'll get back to you on that.

To sign off, these volunteers have kindly demonstrated my version of some of the techniques. Adios!

Slow down and enjoy the mango

We got mangoes the other day. Super juicy. About five for a dollar each. I got a whole one for myself! It was so good that I scoffed it down. Still not satisfied, I had one third more. You won't be surprised that about fifteen minutes later I was feeling uncomfortably full.

This is a bad habit of mine. I love food and eating so much that I'll scoff it down. Then I'll want more food and I'll eat more, but if I'd savoured it the first time, the first serving would have been enough.

What do you mean, I should stop?

I know an author who swears by snacking. She has about six small meals a day. Snacking has been known to boost the metabolism. Doing this would satisfy my eating compulsion without devouring half the fridge. More than that, though, I need to practice savouring each spoonful. Do you ever find that you eat without really paying attention to it? You'll be thinking of what you'll be doing later, or something that happened earlier. Maybe some people won't care about this, won't be fussed as long as they get their fuel. But I think it's a waste when food is so delicious!

There's a phrase, Wherever you go, there you are. It means that you should stay in the present moment as much as possible. In Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, Richard Carlson give the example of someone who goes to work and spends most of the time thinking about home, and when they go home, spend most of the time thinking about work.

Just today, I was desperate to get out of the house, so I went for a bike ride. I had to remind myself quite a few times to enjoy where I was, instead of worrying about the room I probably should have been tidying at that moment, and how much trouble I'd get into when it wasn't done. To stay in the present, I made myself notice the different senses:

• I could smell the flowers, which were like vanilla. Also the fresh air. 
• I could see the ferns and bird of paradise plants beside the path.
• I could feel said plants brushing against my cheek as I rode along. Could also feel the bumps as I went over each break in the pavement.
• Taste wasn't much. Maybe the fresh air. And slight sweetness from the strawberry shake I'd drunk before I left.
• As I rode into the park, I could hear the kids yelling to each other. "Get the chips," One girl said to her friend as she spun the arrow on the board. The mothers talked over some decision, one encouraging the other about the best course of action.

Okay, so that's probably a bit too much info for you. The point is, sometimes we're only half there, with our mind being somewhere else. To get out of this bad habit, try to notice what is around you using the five senses.

If you want more of a challenge, I read somewhere that your listening skills can easily be improved by listening closely to what's around you. Not just the first sound you hear. Try to notice the subtle things, like an insect buzzing or the wind through the leaves. See how much you can pick up. It's fun. 

Listening is twice as important as speaking. That's why we have two ears and one mouth.

In case anyone is wondering what an Aussie accent sounds like

RE: To airbrush or not to airbrush

So I'm going to go ahead and answer my own question, RE: To airbrush or not to airbrush, which was basically about whether it's okay to digitally manipulate photos, and if so, how much?

I'd been thinking of this question in the back of my mind for the past week, and tonight I found the answer in Tina Fey's Bossypants. 

She believes that airbrushing away a few pimples or armpit stubble is fine, because "it's okay to make a photo look as if you were caught on your best day in the best light." (p160). Digital retouching goes too far when it changes the face structure, body shape, or permanent features like scars or wrinkles.

I will show you the difference with two photos of Tina Fey.

Exhibit A:

Tina Fey has stated that she's nevcr had Botox or plastic surgery

Doesn't she look gorgeous! Her makeup and salon-fresh hair complements her natural beauty. She has a lovely, open expression. Gorgeous brown eyes, slim nose, nice smile. But mostly I like this picture because it's the first "real" one I've seen of her. I can see that her ears are quite big. I'm thrilled to see the scar she talked about in her book. I can see a rare thing is professional shots: her pores! I can see a dot from an almost-gone pimple. I can see the dint in her skin between her eyes. There may have been some airbrushing around the cheeks, but effect is subtle. Very importantly, she looks like a real person. She is beautiful, flawed, and enjoying the night out. 

Exhibit B: 

I think the people who performed the Photoshop work were just a little too keen to smooth Tina's complexion. In her own words, "They take out any depth, and your face looks like it was drawn on a paper plate" (p157). Her characteristic scar is gone. Although Tina is still in there somewhere, there's not as much life as in Exhibit A. I'd love this photo if the editors had toned back the airbrushing a bit.

To sum up, in Tina's own words, "Photoshop is just like makeup. When it's done well it looks great, and when it's overdone you look like a crazy asshole." Note: I wouldn't say that Exhibit B is quite in the crazy category, but perhaps the picture below is:

This was originally Julia Roberts

Who I'm Writing To

The people who read this blog are many and varied. It kind of messes with my head to think about it. I thought it might help if I wrote to a particular person, or group of people. If I thought about my uni friends, I'd probably never put up half the embarrassing posts that I have, given that many of my uni friends are overachievers and mature. I couldn't think of my best friend because I've told her most of these things already, so it wouldn't make sense. Then I thought of the one person who has stuck by me through everything--who has gritted her teeth with me when it gets tough, laughed like a maniac with me at the most inappropriate times, and talked things through with me when I don't know what to do. Who is it? Myself, of course! Sure, sometimes that little voice calls me things I'd never speak aloud, but overall, that person inside you is the only one who will be there for you no matter what.
I'm not going to talk to my current self (I know what I know, so again, no point). Rather, every time I post something, I am talking to my younger self. That confused, emotionally vulnerable highschooler who was blindly stumbling through life and wondering if it gets any better.

Through my blog, I can now pick the twigs out of her hair, pat her on the shoulder, and say 'Yes, there is life after high school. There will be times when things get even worse, but you finally begin to sort out some of those issues. And you'll find plenty of wonderful people to help you along the way.'

So forgive me, blogger comrades, if I ever sound like I'm telling you what to do. Just remember that I'm actually trying to whack my former self over the head and say, 'Don't do that! Try this instead.' 

But I'm glad you're here, friend from across the screen, because even if I were able to go back in time and tell little Sophie all these treasures, I feel sure she wouldn't listen. I mean, how many times did I hear the advice, 'Start assignments early. Don't leave it till the last minute'? Answer: zillions. But did I listen? Heck, I still hand in assignments with only minutes to spare.

Even having this poster stuck to the wall behind my computer all year didn't help 

I have no doubt that you are much smarter than I am, so I'm hoping that some of my mistakes will help you to do that little bit better--or perhaps make you realise that you're not the only one who has experienced something.

And so friendship is born

If you want to know what you're getting yourself into, please see Disclaimers for this Blog.

Disclaimers for this Blog

Disclaimer:

• I will say something stupid
• I will probably offend you in some way
• I will digress. A lot. (Possibly to the point where I forget what I was originally talking about)

WARNING: This blog may contain dangerous levels of self-indulgence

Disclaimer (c’td):

• I may promise to do something and then forget to do it
• I may use a few too many cute animal pictures and memes
• I may forget to proof-read

Please remember that everything I post, I post in love (or maybe in hate, but that hate will not be directed towards you, I’m sure). If I say something dumb, please forgive me and remember that I have the utmost respect for all of my readers, and I appreciate the time you take to read my blog, and any comments you may have.

Please do comment if you have any thoughts on a post. Feel free to tell me when I’m being a moron (with reasons why) and I will choose whether it’s important enough to take on board. Ciao!

Final disclaimer: I may randomly add in words from another language, as if I’m totally fluent in a variety of languages and just happen to slip into, say, Italian, because I’m so used to speaking it. Just casually.

You Can Be ANYTHING, but...

I touched on this topic in my post, When you start to be like your job.
For the Popular Fiction unit, we had to study Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (it's a pretty good read. It got me back into yoga, anyway). One of the main criticisms my classmates had of that book was that Liz (the main girl, who went to three different countries) got life handed to her on a silver platter; her financial worries disappeared in the breeze, and the opportunities she had were too convenient. That does annoy me, in books generally. Because it squashes hope for the rest of us. How can we be expected to rely on magic moments to get us towards our goals?
Things don't just happen. People and the media are keen to tell kids that They Can Be Anything and Do Anything.

Magic can happen, kids!

 'Yes,' my friend Hannah responded in placating tone to this generic statement. 'But you have to get out there and make it happen. You have to be on the lookout for opportunities and be willing to go for it when they come.'

I was immediately drawn to the study exchange program (yes, you will get tired of me talking about this, but whatever). It seemed like a once in a lifetime opportunity (and you get some financial support from the uni through this program, which is a plus for someone who only works a few hours a week). I researched possible locations and universities to study at. After a month or two, I'd gone from There are so many awesome places! to There is nothing at all suitable for me; this sucks. 

I remember my friend asking how my research was going. I told her that there was nothing really right for me; nowhere offered what I wanted. Even then, it sounded like more of an excuse than a real reason. And looking back, it was pretty dumb to think that there was no other university in the world that offered something as good or better than QUT in creative writing. A part of me knew this, I think. I decided to give it once last whack. I spent a few more hours looking into universities that looked even halfway decent. I started to email the various international uni coordinators in my own polite way of saying "Is this really the best you can do??"

A mildly funny meme with a cat that looks photoshopped.

A few didn't respond. Another one sent me something, and I decided that that uni wasn't for me, after all (at least I was confident with that answer this time). Bath Spa Uni responded by sending me a PDF of the courses they offer in 2014. Turns out it was on their website. I was initially looking at the wrong section (local students rather than international, or something dumb like that). Anyway, these new courses were more varied and interesting than I could have hoped for. A few query emails later and I'd narrowed down my unit preferences with Bath. On the application sheet for QUT, I put Bath as first preference. I did have a second preference, but I knew I'd only be happy with my first. Luckily I got it.

Note: this isn't the best plan. You are supposed to have a decent few options. Still, I'm sure I read something about burning your bridges being a sure-fire way to get what you really want (seeing as there's no other options).

Note about the note: That was an unintentional pun. 

Even now I still have to do shitloads of preparation (the visa prep was a total b*tch, but that's mainly because the website sucks). Point being, I wouldn't have gotten this opportunity to study abroad if I'd only gazed dreamily at the info brochures, or popped onto the computer for ten minutes and expected that much research to be enough. I can say with full confidence that I was accepted because I worked hard. Not just hard, but persistent. First, you have to have decent grades to be eligible, so there's two years of study right there. Then there's all that research I've mentioned. And you can't be afraid to be that annoying student who pesters everyone. You will need to send dozens of emails, and think carefully about what you need to know.

I mentioned Liz at the start. She had finances handed to her without much effort.

How I'm paying for my trip, in case you're curious. 
I should mention that I suck at budgeting. I haven't saved as much as I could this year. Every time I started a budgeting plan, I'd give up on it within a week. Pretty pathetic. I spent way too much on food--eating out, and going to the extremely delicious but also expensive and 'chocolate's not that good for you despite what they say' chocolatiers, Noosa Chocolate Factory (but if you are craving cocoa-based substances, I would highly recommend these guys).

Yeah, budget. Mum's grounded me until I do my budgeting for next year. I think that's hilarious. I'm almost an adult, I'm fairly responsible and haven't been grounded since primary school, I'm about to live away from family for an extended period, and now it comes. It's totally fair--I should be grounding myself, really. Point being, I don't save very well. If it weren't for my extra jobs this year, I would probably have about zilch saved right now.

My main sources of income will be the student loan which gets added to HECS (or HELP or whatever they call it these days), the money my parents saved for me since I was a baby (which I wasn't supposed to touch at all but they relented when they saw how much I'd need it), and the piddly pathetic amount I've saved. The extra HECS loan has been approved, but apparently the government still need to give it the okay, which is a bit worrying (I thought it was a done thing). I've also applied for two scholarships, but I don't know if I got them and don't want to rely on them. I should probably get a credit card.

Note: The University fees themselves are the same as QUT's fees, so it's the same as HECS, which means that I can forget about it, then give away a huge chunk of my wages when I eventually (finally) get a decent job.

While I'm away I will be doing lots of posts on How to Live On the Cheap. Hopefully I will actually learn to moderate my spending while working within a fixed amount and using a card or two all the time, which is easy to track spending with.

For James: A post about drugs

An experiment:

When you start to be like your job

No, I didn't mean, "When you start to LIKE your job", I meant when you as a person begin to reflect some aspects of your job. I'm talking about my waitressing job. Let me give examples:

• Small customer base. Mostly supported by a handful of regulars (translation: I have a small group of close friends)
• Swap life stories with said customers (translation: Usually say too much and like to develop connections with people)
• Cooking is good but business skills are terrible (translation: Good at doing stuff but terrible organisation. Always leave things to the last minute)
• Too many menu items, with a few specialties (translation: Good at a certain few things, but try to juggle it all)
• Cooking style hasn't changed in 30 years (translation: Like to have regular habits).
• Is close to home (translation: Comfortable with convenience of proximity, even though I don't learn anything new in the job, except for how the client is doing that day). 

It's hard to break away from what is familiar and comfortable. I've been at this restaurant for about three years now.

Digression: I always leave for work at the last possible minute. When I first started working there, I allowed fifteen minutes to walk. Now I usually allow eight minutes (I have to run part of the way. And take full advantage of the fact that their clock is two minutes slower than my watch. Two minutes have never meant so much to me as just before work!) I think my reluctance is trying to tell me something.

I don't learn much from work. Mainly it's my laid back job where I write in my notebook half the time because it's not busy and I can get away with it.

Maybe I should mix it up and start wearing roller skates to work, like at Phatburgers

This year I did expand to getting uni jobs. I was on QUT Career Hub about a year ago searching when I found a help desk job. I applied, went for my interview, felt thoroughly intimidated by the other applicants' immaculate and sophisticated business attire, and ended up getting the job. 

The other one I'd heard about through a friend, so was vaguely aware of it, but didn't apply till I saw it advertised in the student diary you get free at O-Week. That gave a bit of pocket money, and motivated me to consistently write up notes (Student note taker).

I only got these jobs because I was A), actively seeking a job and B), willing to follow through and get my resume up to scratch, practice for an interview, and ask questions. Being proactive is the only way I've gotten through the gruelling process of the Study Exchange applications/ research. It's the only way I've done well at uni and found good jobs.

I think I side-tracked. Yes. So my waitress job is comfortable, and that's where the danger comes. Comfort zones are great for feeling safe and for taking a break, but if you don't push them often enough, you'll end up doing the same thing most of the time. Safe means that you're not really learning; if you're not learning, you're not living.

 

You know something's gone wrong when you're bored enough to make a matching outfit for your pet.

The water fountain at the restaurant hasn't worked for years. Without the regular flow of the water, the fish have become so dusty that I can barely see their eyes. Most people ignore the statue now, except occasionally a kid, held up by his parent, might say, "Why haven't the fish got water? Fish need water. That's strange." 

I agree. The parent rolls their eyes and smiles. I wipe down the fish with a damp cloth. This makes their scales reflect the light. Their eyes look wet with tears (of joy or sadness, I don't know).

This study exchange has forced me to quit my job (for six months at least). Otherwise it'd be so tempting to stay there, rather than find some other job that's same-ish and maybe not as close, and have to relearn things, just to get sucked into the same boring pattern.

My boss says he wants me back after the six months. I dunno. I reckon in a few months, he'll be so happy not having to pay my increasing wages, only seventeen-year-old wages, that he'll forget all about me. Even if he doesn't, I'm not sure if I want to be offered the job back...

"...because then I'd spend my best dancing years waving a rose back and forth, and I'm better than that."

Not that I'm saying I'm a great dancer, but Jody explains it best in Center Stage, if you remember that scene at the end (it's a metaphor, guys, keep up).

I should look for an industry job when I'm back. A semester at Bath Spa University has to add some weight to my credentials. Hopefully I won't stuff up as badly as I did with one of my uni jobs (I'll tell you about that in the next post).

Quote: "Life will keep presenting a challenge to you until you learn from it"

What was this blog post about? Well, as Jimmy Rabbitte says, "I'm fucked if I know!"

The Art of Asking

I need about twenty take away containers for a series of sauces I'm making. Working at a Chinese restaurant, I thought it'd be pretty easy to ask my boss (Jimmy) for some, but I spent ages deliberating. Can I ask for that? 'Sure,' said Mum, 'Think of it as a long-service leave present'. But how much would it cost? On the calculator at work I estimated that it'd be about two to six dollars. That's alright, right? I waited and pottered around before going into the kitchen and asking Jimmy. I used the same sort of whiney tone I use with the parents when I want something. Jimmy said yes straight away, with a wave of his hand as if it was no worries. As he was packing them, he expressed polite interest in my cooking task.

All that fuss over nothing. But even if he'd said no--it's not as though it's the end of the world. Then I'd just buy some from Woolies or something. No big deal.

There's no harm in asking. The generosity of others might surprise you.

I suppose I should have known better since I watched Amanda Palmer's Ted talk, The Art of Asking, a few months back. It's lovely to see someone so open, confident and experienced--so in touch with what really motivates people. Check it out if you haven't already.